BIKINI GIRLS ON DINOSAUR PLANET!!!

BIKINI GIRLS ON DINOSAUR PLANET
Starring Misty Mundae, Zoe Moonshine, Ruby LaRocca
Directed by William Hellfire
Factory 2000/Seduction Cinema
Review by Douglas Waltz

Zoe Moonshine and Ruby LaRocca play space travelers checking out the prehistoric life forms on a planet. A planet of nothing but farting dinosaurs and lesbian cave girls. Director William Hellfire seems out of his normal elements of shocking cinema in such a tame endeavor. Zoe Moonshine is a delight to watch on screen and having recently interviewed her can attest to the fact that she’s a delight to talk to as well. Well, sort of we did the interview via email, but she comes across as very personable. Misty Mundae is there, but she seems lost in this sea of naked women. Tina Krause is as always, quite gorgeous to look at and well, except for the overweight Lily Tiger, all the girls are extremely hot. Looking for a complex storyline of a superior alien race studying the primitive rituals of a society of cave people? Forget it and just relax and watch the simulated sex. Best scene in the movie is when Ruby LaRocca plops head first into a huge pile of dinosaur doody and stays there for a very long time. I thought she might have died for a moment there.

As is the norm for Seduction, the disc is packed with extras. Besides the prerequisite ton of trailers and the new thing that Seduction is doing with these retro peep shows, we get another movie. Don’t get excited. It’s the lame-ass BIKINI GODDESSES (1994) directed by former porn director David DeCoteau. His film comes with a completely unnecessary commentary that just adds to the dullness of the picture. I would have rather heard what William Hellfire had to say about his flick than this boring bastard droning on about his movie. Misty fans will all buy this and most other people will avoid it like the plague. That’s too bad because it comes across as a true throwback to the threadbare exploitation films of the 60’s and 70’s. Not BIKINI GODDESSES, but the other one. The good one with Misty in it.

BACTERIUM!!!

BACTERIUM
Starring Alison Whitney, Benjamin Kanes, Miya Sagara
Directed by Brett Piper
Shock-O-Rama
Review by Douglas A. Waltz

A pair of scientists are developing a new form of life as a biological weapon. This can never end well and a small group of paint-ballers discover that the hard way when they stumble across the secluded house that houses the scientist and his creation.

And then it gets out.

The initial solution is to nuke the site and fry the creature, but there are some who believe that it might not work. The energy from the blast might actually make the creature stronger. An alternate idea is to detonate a controlled black hole in the area to absorb the creature for good.

Black hole bomb? Yeah, that actually sounds like it might be a worse idea than the atomic bomb!

This is high concept, schlocky science fiction that would do Roger Corman proud. Brett Piper gives us a huge slimy monster with no CGI and all practical effects. The acting is the norm for a Brett Piper flick and there is one stand out in the flick: that would be lead Alison Whitney. And, no it’s not just because she got naked for the movie, although that did not hurt; the camera loves her, she’s gorgeous and she can act. I think Michael Raso has his new Misty Mundae right in front of him and it would be a waste if he didn’t use her more.

The extras give us some funny bloopers and a behind the scenes thing that showed how innovative Brett Piper can be when it comes to problem solving on a low budget. The only thing missing is it would have been nice to see how Brett made the blob like bacterium effect.

This is a nice change of pace from the usual fare that comes from EI Cinema and a step in the right direction for the direct to video dynamo.

MUNDAE MONDAY: CHANTAL!!!

CHANTAL
Starring Misty Mundae, Julian Wells, Darian Caine
Directed by Tony Marsiglia
Seduction Cinema
Review by Douglas A. Waltz

Chantal has just gotten into Los Angeles and she is ready to make her dream of being a movie star a reality. Wide eyed and innocent, Chantal is bait for the sleaze merchants that prowl the dark underbelly of tinseltown. Her run in with Tracy, an actress turned prostitute, starts off shaky but then blossoms into something more. But, Chantal is burned by every person she meets at every turn she makes and it doesn’t take long before the pressures of Hollywood cause this fragile, young woman to snap.

CHANTAL was made at the same time as Marsiglia’s LUST FOR DRACULA. This is a five year old feature that has languished on the shelves for no other reason than the Misty Mundae train has jumped the tracks and transformed into Erin Brown. Misty is THE reason that Seduction Cinema is what it is today. Without any new product they have taken their time in releasing any features of hers that they have left. This is the latest in the Nick Phillips experiment. May moons ago, Seduction Cinema would release a Nick Phillips flick with a loosely based remake using the stable of Seduction Cinema cast members. Sometimes it was good. LUSTFUL ADDICTION is a prime example, as is ROXANNA. There are some misfires, not on Nick Phillips’ part. Every one of his films are classic exploitation features and Phillips has quite an eye with the camera. Now, this might be the last one.

CHANTAL tells a story of wide eyed innocence corrupted to the point of no return. A serious subject with no wink wink funny stuff for the camera. All of Marsiglia’s films are somber, but this one is just damned depressing. It feels a little too real.
In the commentary with Tony and Misty we discover that the part hit a little too close to home for Misty as well. Seems she had a minor nervous breakdown as they neared the end of filming. This was the second of the two films that were shot. She had one day off between films and they were shooting in August in California and most of the places they were at didn’t look like they had much in the way of air conditioning. No wonder the poor thing snapped.

Most of Marsiglia’s films tend to be a little more surreal, but with this one I think he gave it such a real, slimy feel that while it is a linear feature, probably the most linear one he has done, it still manages to float in that land of surreal that Tony likes to spend a lot of time in.

It has been forever since I have seen Darian Caine in a film and she is still as gorgeous as ever. Andrea Davis always looks steamy and this film is no exception. Why they don’t give her her own feature is beyond me. Julian Welles is beautiful as always. It made me feel nostalgic for the old days when Seduction Cinema was running full bore and a new movie hit on a regular basis. Of course it felt like that. This flick is five years old!

The Nick Phillips film of the same name is more of the same classic exploitation that we have come to expect from the master. Shot in black and white and following a much tamer Chantal than the newer remake, we get the throaty voiceover that comes with all Nick Phillips films. The lead is a buxom, short haired brunette that is lovely to look at.

Both films come with commentaries that must be mandatory for any true fan. The one for the earlier film has Nick Phillips, his wife and 42nd Street Pete running down what it was like to make films on the down in dirty back in the day. The one for the remake has Tony Marsiglia and Misty Mundae and just listening to Misty talking about how her career seems to have come to a standstill after Masters Of Horror is just heartbreaking. We don’t care what you do Misty as long as you do something. We have plenty of DVDs of you naked so you don’t even have to do that anymore if you don’t want to. You’ve paid your dues and with your recent clothed appearance in the Polonia Brothers SPLATTER BEACH you have proven yourself as the fine actress we always have known you for. Come back to Michael Raso. He’ll let you direct if you want.

The two-disc set is packed with extras. Disc one has the remake along with two commentaries and a brief making of featurette. There’s a camera test since the film was shot on 16mm that is pretty cool. On disc two we get the Nick Phillips original and an interview with Nick and the aforementioned commentary. There’s a featurette called "These Girls Are Fools" and a great full color booklet that runs down the history of both films.

My one true complaint is that they did that bizarre Photoshopping on the cover. Note to Seduction Cinema: Misty looks damned fine the way she is, stop mucking about with her already. Good for you learning Photoshop, but we are sick of it!

AN EI CINEMA SAMPLER!

AN EI CINEMA SAMPLER
By Douglas A. Waltz

EI Cinema is divided into many smaller divisions. There is Seduction Cinema, Shock-O-Rama, Video Outlaw...well, you get the idea. Recently, my good friend Larry Stanley sent me a stack of films from EI and asked me to review them. To be honest I had already seen the entire batch of flicks and wasn’t looking forward to reviewing them again.

That’s when I hit upon this idea: cover all the films in one feature, give them the coverage that most of them deserve and make Larry a happy camper. That’s when I hit on the sampler idea. Alone, these films are just entries from an independent film company. Together they represent a pretty good cross section of what EI Cinema has to offer. So, with that said, let’s delve into the realm of EI Cinema...

DEMON SEX (2005)
If you were to watch one film to represent the body of work that EI Cinema represents then this would not be a good one to use as an example. Far from the beaten path of Misty Mundae and the multitude of lesbian encounters, DEMON SEX serves up its nudity and sex the old fashioned way: heterosexual with plenty of blood and kink. Seems there’s this alien race of demons that can transform into hot chicks. This comes in handy when a team of researchers discover an alien strain of DNA that will save their dying race. It doesn’t take long before the nerdy scientists are approached by hot chicks and they’ll do anything to get the formula. Especially slaughtering scientists.

Brinke Stevens and her ultra-hard gorgeous shape are the center attraction of this film as she portrays the queen of the aliens bent on saving their species. It’s always nice to see Brinke in the altogether. The rest of the cast are no slouches in the looks department either. An oddity in the company’s library in that there is quite a bit of heterosexual play going on along with the lesbian antics we come to expect.

The extras on the DVD are plentiful. Two short films entitled, DEMON TREAURE and DEMON FAMILIARS give us little plot and lots of Brinke Stevens which is always a good thing. In addition to that there is a vintage peep show loop that seems to be starting a trend with the DVD’s released by EI Cinema. It actually seems out of place among with this modern, blood soaked violent epic, but who am I to turn down perfectly good vintage peep show material.

VOODOUN BLUES (2004)
This is one of those things where you do not have to really be a fan of Misty Mundae to enjoy. It’s basically her film school project that received a major release because, well, because she’s Misty Mundae! Really, I have a hard time believing that EI Cinema would have released this short film if Misty hadn’t done so much feature work for them.

What we get is the title film which is a short lasting only six minutes. It’s the extras that truly make this a disc worth having. There’s an interview with Misty Mundae that goes over the trials and tribulations of making the film. We get another documentary that goes over the making of the music for the film. Since the short has no dialogue it’s the song that makes it work. Originally, she had wanted Screaming Jay Hawkins’ "I Put A Spell On You", but when she discovered that it would cost some severe cash and that it would be used in an upcoming Levi's jeans promotion, she passed on it and got Tim McBride to compose a fresh piece for the film. Cinematography Joe Miller has a short film called SOUR MILK that is twisted and funny and co-star Katie Bourdeaux gives us the short WHORROR HOPPERS that is bizarre as Hell.

As for VOODOUN BLUES, we get the wild tale of a gorgeous voodoo practitioner bent on revenge against her ex lover. It’s a little David Lynchian with a definite stamp by Misty. Shot on 16mm the print is great and it shows that Misty is made for film. Sure she looks drop dead hot on video, but film gives her a more sophisticated look and the camera loves her. This is a DVD that anyone would be proud to call their own.

BITE ME! (2004)
Michael Raso, head of EI Cinema shows that he knows what makes a great film. In this case he hired film maker Brett Piper (THEY BITE & NYMPHOID BARBARIAN IN DINOSAUR HELL) to make a film that utilizes the basic framework of a Seduction Cinema film and then twists it into one of the best horror comedies on the market today.

Strip-club owner Ralph (Michael Thomas) is desperate for cash. So desperate that he decides to go into the marijuana business and gets a crate of experimental pot from a couple of guys. Unfortunately, the crate is infested with these bizarre bugs that feed on human blood. It isn’t long before the club is infested, there’s a DEA agent snooping around and an exterminator who actually loves bugs is called in to quell the menace of the bugs. It’s finally up to the strippers to save the day. Misty Mundae, Julian Wells and new discovery Erika Smith must team up and defeat the bugs.

This is true exploitation at it’s finest. We get monsters, beautiful girls that like to be naked and a threadbare plot that manages to hold it all together, but not get in the way of all the fun. Brett Piper’s other film SCREAMING DEAD managed to make a truly horrific ride into terror and still keep some of the conventions of what Seduction Cinema fans have come to expect. It’s amusing to note that in both films he pokes fun at the lesbian scenes that the company is famous for. In BITE ME!, the only lesbian scene takes place under a blanket and it hilarious.

Once again the extras on this disc are piled high. There are three documentaries that delve into the making of low budget cinema. We get the prerequisite interview with Misty Mundae. There’s a video by the band CKY along with a making of the video documentary and a beautiful booklet with extensive liner notes for the film. If nothing else, EI Cinema manages to stuff their DVDs with worthwhile extras that are as entertaining as the films themselves.

LUST FOR DRACULA (2004)
If you told me that I could only pick one director to make the rest of whatever Seduction Cinema decides to put out, my vote with no hesitation would have to be Tony Marsiglia. I remember watching DR. JEKYLL AND MISTRESS HYDE for the first time and being totally blown away. Here was a tale of power, madness and corruption drenched in some of the wildest sex on the market today. And the interesting part was that the sex scenes were actually integral to the part! Couple that with a man who demands quality performances from his actors and you have a man who will be able to lead Seduction Cinema down a path of true excellence for years to come.

That brings us to LUST FOR DRACULA.

LUST FOR DRACULA just might be the most ferociously original vampire film I have seen in some time. All the major characters are played by women including Jonathan Harker, played by Julian Wells. Julian may be a man played by a woman or a woman pretending to be a man or...well it’s a little confusing and that makes the film all the better for it.

Mina Harker (Misty Mundae) is married to Jonathan (the aforementioned Ms. Wells). She wants a child to make her life complete, but is unable to conceive. Probably because Jonathan is, in reality, a woman. Add to that the presence of Dracula (Darian Caine) who is willing to give Mina what she so desperately carves. It’s interesting to note that Ms. Caine plays the part, for the most part, completely naked. Dracula is helping Mina because Jonathan is trying to create a new race of vampires that it is doubtful that Dracula will have any control over. I think.

See, that’s the beauty of this film. We are given all the information necessary to make for an enjoyable film going experience, but there are things only suggested that can be interpreted in more than one way. That’s what makes this film work. You are required to pay attention and think. Sure it’s full of naked women and their boobies and yes, there’s blood spattered in a number of different places, but director Marsiglia wants more from us as an audience.

Misty gives a fine performance as a young woman manipulated by chemicals for so long that her grasp of reality has failed miserably. Darian Caine manages to make for a regal Dracula while wearing absolutely nothing. My favorite actress to watch though would have to be Andrea Davis. As a predatory creature of the night she rules the screen with her presence. Her delivery is smoky and seductive and her looks are of a heart pounding exotic nature that makes you watch more intently than before. If anyone ever deserved her own movie at Seduction Cinema it would have to be Andrea Davis.

This DVDs extras are a little light. There’s a good commentary for the film by Tony Marsiglia and Michael Raso. We get a behind the scenes documentary that is informative. There’s an interview with Misty Mundae and a short film entitled INSEX which is so so at best. The one thing this disc is missing and a true slap in the face is that there is no interview with Darian Caine. The film’s called LUST FOR DRACULA, not LUST FOR MISTY MUNDAE. Darian is a beautiful lady, a fine actress and she is the real star of this film. Seems like a grievous oversight on the part of the filmmakers.

LUST CONNECTION (2005)
Then we come to the final film in our little round up and this time I have saved the worst for last. LUST CONNECTION is not a real Seduction Cinema film. It’s something they bought and released. As for director H.R. Blueberry, when will Jim Wynorski stop making this crap?

The no-talent star Glori-Anne Gilbert stars as twin sisters. When one is murdered and the husband is the prime suspect it doesn’t take long for the twin to surface and start making goo-goo eyes at the husband.

This is straight, heterosexual, soft-core porn at its lowest common denominator. All the men are scary-looking and the women have been stretched to the limits of what silicone will allow in our universe. The acting is sub-par and nothing new under the sun is exposed in this horrid feature.

To try and make up for it the company has released the disc with a second "feature" called NIGHT VAMPS. It’s not a movie, it’s just more silicone taking their clothes off and wiggling around in a fashion that gets annoying at the thirty-second mark. We also get another vintage peep show and commentary for LUST CONNECTION by it’s overrated star and director H.R. Blueberry.

This DVD is a prime example of what to avoid in an EI Cinema film. Don’t recognize the usual cast of maniacs and babes on the back of the DVD? Then make sure it’s what you want to see. LUST CONNECTION is probably the worst film that has been released by EI Cinema ever.

This brings us to end of our little cross section of what you can see from the company EI Cinema. From the bizarre to the kinky to the complete waste of time, EI Cinema brings you the world of erotica all wrapped up in a neat little bow. Of course, being Seduction Cinema I kinda doubt it’s a bow. More like a nasty piece of spiked leather.

HOW SEDUCTION CINEMA TOOK OVER MY LIFE!!!

HOW SEDUCTION CINEMA TOOK OVER MY LIFE
by Douglas Waltz
 
Forever ago, and by forever ago I mean a time period where I did not own a DVD player, I started writing reviews for a site called Cult Cuts. My editor knew that I had the uncanny ability to not only watch anything in the world, but to see the good in almost any type of cinema. Rather a unique ability...

Anyway, I was sent a copy of a flick called EROTIC SURVIVOR 2. And that was the beginning of the end for me. I don't watch reality television, but even I knew that this was a pretty fun skewering of the popular CBS program. Of course this was infinitely better because it had lots of nubile young, naked ladies having simulated lesbian sex. Hell, if the real show had had this I would have watched from the start. From there I was subjected to clever titles like LORD OF THE G-STRINGS, GLADIATOR EROTICUS and LUST IN SPACE.

But this wasn't my first encounter with Seduction Cinema's flagship female, Misty Mundae. No, that came by way of an ad for Retro Seduction Cinema's release of the Joe Sarno film INGA. The ad they used did not have star Marie Liljedahl. Instead it was this supple, young brunette that went by the name Misty Mundae.

I was hooked.

If she was in it I had to watch it. Flicks like MISTY MUNDAE: MUMMY RAIDER, AN EROTIC VAMPIRE IN PARIS (also starring the breathtaking Tina Krause) and numerous other films. Luckily, I had editors willing to feed my addiction and I saw everything that the studio that would eventually be covered under the umbrella title of Alternative Cinema had to offer. Because of Michael Raso, I was subjected to films by the likes of Nick Phillips, Joe Sarno and Tony Marsiglia. Directors that could meld the macabre with the erotic flawlessly and kept me coming back for more.

Now, time has passed and Alternative Cinema continues to release films that no one else would touch. Work by the incredible Rene Bond. The sequel to DEEP THROAT. And many, many more. It amazes me that no one has given critical consideration to this catalog of film releases. Sure, you could try to pass them off as soft-core porn and thus, worthless. But they aren't.

The opening sequence of Marsiglia's LUST FOR DRACULA where a pair of naked vampires are in a clutch in a bathroom and there is this bloody...thing crawling towards them in its death throes. That one scene in DOCTOR JEKYLL AND MISTRESS HYDE where you discover that Misty Mundae has become a full fledged actress. The numerous, lengthy behind the scenes footage that shows you the amount of work that goes into each of these films. The list goes on and on and here at Breastford City Limits will be chronicling one of the most independent film companies existing in America today.

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